I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
