You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
