I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
