I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
