Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
