drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
