your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize