My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
