i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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