I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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