Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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