So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
