Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
