I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
