he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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