My room smells like vodka and shame
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize