It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize