i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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