did you get engaged???
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
