you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
