she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
