the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
