This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
