dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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