there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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