We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
