How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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