Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
