Sry I called you an 8
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
