If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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