I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
whose ass print is on the piano?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
