it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
