I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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