Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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