I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
