Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
