ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
