He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
