Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
