She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
