So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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