Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
