last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
