You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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