So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize