dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
