I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
