Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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