it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize