This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
