Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
