Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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