They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
