I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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