So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
