32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
