was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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