what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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