Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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