You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize