So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
