Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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