Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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