I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
