Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Two words: nipple clamps
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