Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Success! We fucked roommates!
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