They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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